First

 A month ago, I was sitting in the gymnasium while watching a birthday celebration when I received the text message that shocked my life.

 I didn’t expect it at all because I thought that he was fine and he was recovering. I didn’t know what really happened that time because I was panicking really bad, I was freaking out. I was crying all my emotions out. I was like really numb that time. He left me. He left me with nothing. He left me with a broken heart. He left me all alone. He’s gone.

 I went to the hospital really fast because I can’t handle my emotions anymore and I just want to see him. I just want to hug him. I just want to tell him that I love him. I just want to kiss him. I just want to say sorry.

 The moment that I saw him, that’s the most heart breaking moment ever. I just lost my life. I lost everything. All the memories and happy moments, are sinking in my mind. Seventeen years is not enough. This is not happening.  

 At first, to tell you that truth, I was crying all the time because he’s gone. I told myself that he left me for a reason. Well I guess that reason is really huge and I can’t handle it anymore. I also told myself that he’s everywhere and he’s watching me 24/7. But sadly, I can’t see him anymore.

 To be honest with you, I don’t even know how to survive with out him. He’s my everything and he’s my life. I’m trying to survive my daily life with out him even though it’s really hard and depressing. I need to fight. I need to fight for my life. I need to finish this battle, because you want me to. I’ll be strong. I promise.

 I just miss him really bad. I miss your everything. I miss you so much and I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I just want to see you again. I just want to hug you again. I want to sleep next to you again. I want you to sing me to sleep again. I want you to cook for me again. I want you to hear your voice, your lame jokes and your weird laugh again.

 Remember when I told you that “I love you”, you said “I love you also”. You we’re smiling that time and I never see you smiled like that before. I was laughing really hard because you’re so cute. But now I’m crying with happiness and pain because you never stop loving me ever since. And I’m really thankful with that. I’m glad that you were there for me. Unfortunately I didn’t took the time to thank you from the bottom of my heart. And I’m really sorry for that. 

I swore to you and to God that I will be strong as long you will help. I will never forget you and I love you always. You will always be my Yeye. Forever.

Things to blog:

• Yeye’s gone
• Family problems
• How I hate this fucking family
• Now I’m all alone 
• I miss my Yeye so fucking much
• I want to give up but I can’t
• My friends are not supportive at all
• I just want to be happy

Not again

 It’s our graduation photo shoot and my self-esteem is killing me.

I just hate everything about me. I mean everything sucks. Not to mention, I’m so ugly and my body is disgusting. Sucks to be me because I’m anorexic. I don’t have nice hair, awesome clothes, and a flawless face. My life sucks big freaking time.

I’m trying not to starve anymore and I’m trying to eat more and more food because I just want to gain 30 fucking pounds or 20 at least. I just don’t want to be skinny anymore. This is so fucking depressing.

Some of my classmates are mocking/teasing me because I’m too skinny and I don’t have nice hair blah blah. It’s really degrading. LIKE SERIOUSLY. 

I will gain fucking 30 pounds, I will fix my fucking hair, I will work hard to buy nice clothes and nice stuff. I will fix everything about myself and you will eat my dirt. YOU. WILL. REGRET.IT.

Sorry for posting nonsense post about myself again. Good night!

You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

 Uh hey! I gained a lot of weight this past few weeks. And that’s a great news because I’m trying to eat more food everyday. I gained like 6 kilos. I’m so happy because I gain weight in less than a month. Can I gain 20 pounds more? I’m going to eat more healthy foods and I’ll try to eat breakfast everyday. 

 We’re having our year book photo shoot next week and I still can’t decide what should I wear…. Uhm maybe band merch na lang since I’m portraying a concert goer. And then I’ll wear my M&G id’s. Hahaha. I’m so excited. 

 I still don’t know what to wear to our Prom. I mean this night is so special okay!!!!!! I need to look descent just for once.

 Ugh I can’t believe I’m missing a free concert right now and ugh it’s Parokya Ni Edgar. My feels for this band ugh.

 I want to watch Les but we’re so broke right now and our hospital bill is around P100k and we’re having HUGE financial problem right now.

 On the bright side. I’m trying to be positive after all. Earlier this morning, they removed the tube already because my Yeye can breathe with out it na. But after a few hours, nilagyan ulit nila because my Yeye is having a really hard time to breathe. The doctors said that he’s depending on the tube thingy. And I’m pretty sure it’s getting worst.

 But like I said, I’m trying to be positive and strong.